2025 was not a year of dramatic twists and turns for me; it was more of a continuation of 2024. It was somewhat the year of doubt. Even though I adjusted my path to better align with my aspirations, my mood is struggling to recover. I have new resolutions to test.
Physical pain: the underlying issue
Last year, I mentioned the persistent costal pain I’ve been dealing with, despite physiotherapy, osteopathy, and painkillers. Well, it’s still here. I’ve been in pain for two years now, with no change, no answers from medical tests, and it’s slowly eroding my resilience. I’ve grown used to the constant pain, learned to live with it, and kept up with sports to stay in shape.
Overall, I’m managing, but I can’t handle as much stress as I used to. During an especially tough period, I came dangerously close to depression. I pulled through with a two-week break, some deep self-reflection, and a few concrete actions to keep from spiraling, like registering my garden as an LPO wildlife refuge and removing my thuja hedge in order to replace it with native plants.
Writing: scattered but that’s for the best
Last year, I said I felt the need to focus fully on L’Enfant des Esprits (The Child of Spirits) before starting a new writing project. My needs have shifted. I did push forward with L’Enfant des Esprits and finished another round of edits. It’s still not quite there. I’ve taken more notes for corrections (again!) but the text is getting stronger. I’m almost there. We’ll see if it’s ready for print in 2026.
At the same time, I felt the urge to write again, not just edit. I’m working on a sequel to L’Enfant des Esprits, a short story collection called Le Cabinet des Mauvais Souvenirs (The Cabinet of Bad Memories), featuring Ben’s talents. I’ve drafted the first story and am now writing the second.
The Plume d’Argent (Silver Quill) platform, where Le Voeu de Yoko (Yoko’s Wish) was published, shut down, so the novel is no longer available anywhere. I still need to clean up the e-book and make it available for download, but I haven’t found the motivation yet.
Doubts about my career
My day job is as a web engineering consultant. With ten years of experience in 2025, it provides a comfortable living, I work four days a week and still make enough to get by. But the meaning of what I do has been concerning me for years, and the rise of AI isn’t helping.
The thing about consulting is that you need to answer clients’ questions and objectively advise them based on their best interests. When clients ask how AI can optimize their productivity, you need AI expertise to respond. That’s the nature of consulting: staying ahead of industry trends and answering questions before companies even ask them.
What I’ve started to wonder is whether digital downscaling is simply ahead of its time, given today’s tech mindset. My boss believes the AI “hype” has passed and that we’re beginning to see its long-term value. I don’t know who’s right, but what I see is that companies in the ambient techno-capitalism aren’t asking whether this technology is desirable, they just don’t want to “fall behind.”
I feel a growing disconnect between my job and my values, and I’m not yet sure what changes I need to make to keep depression at bay.
Back to basics
While I prepare to quit and start landscape design studies to promote urban biodiversity, I’m already rethinking my relationship with digital technology. I scrapped my CV website and rebuilt two lightweight, self-hosted pages on a Raspberry Pi. They’re enough to showcase my skills and the projects I’ve worked on.
I’m exploring eco-design, our relationship with technology, and rebuilding my information streams around newsletters and old-school RSS feeds. I deleted my X account, still post drawings on Instagram, and am slightly more active on Mastodon without putting too much pressure on myself.
Since I’ve grown more comfortable writing blog posts, I decided to abandon Panodyssey and other platforms where I maintained articles. Instead, I’m building my own blog using the Hugo static site generator. This also gives me RSS feeds, so I can offer my blog posts by subscription without relying on social media.
When I worked on Mainmatter’s Ember Initiative, I wrote weekly journals summarizing progress, focusing on “what I learned this week.” That format became harder to maintain once the Ember Initiative shifted from quarterly sprints to continuous development with fewer allocated days each month. I’m considering reviving the weekly journal concept on my new blog, expanding the content to cover all my activities.
Conclusion
My feelings about this year are mixed. I’ve made many decisions to live more in line with myself, but it’s still not enough. There’s a deeper issue with my professional life that I need to untangle, especially since I’m not entirely clear on what I truly want. I’ll keep working on the actions I started at the end of this year and see where they lead.
Until then, have a happy 2026!
—Marine, wild ferret writer